RAWR RAWR

I LOVE SOMEONE WHOM I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
AND ONCE I HAD
BUT NOW THEIR TAKEN
AND THE FUTURE IS SO UNCLEAR
WHAT THE HELL DO U DO WHEN THIS HEART ACHE FEELING DISAPPEARS
WHEN COMFORT SPONTANEOUSLY TAKES ROOT
AND PAIN DISSIPATES FROM EXISTENCE?
A BILLION AND 2 MILES AWAY
MY HEART STILL WITH YOU WANTS TO STAY
AND FEELING THAT I'VE EXPERIENCED HAVE NEVER BEEN STRONGER
UGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGUGHGHGHGHGHHGGUGHGHHGHGHGHHGUHGHGHGHGHHGUHGHGHGHHGHGHGUGHGH
FREAKING FREAKS FREAKING ME OUT LIKE FREAKS WHO ARE FREAKING USUALLY FREAKING DO!
I CAN'T STAND THIS!
YOUR WISE... RIGHT? THEN TELL ME IS THIS GOING TO TURN TO FALSE HOPE?
R U JUS TELLING ME THE WORDS YOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE I NEED TO HEAR?
AND WAT THE FRICK IS MY HEART DOING RIGHT NOW?
:P :P :P :P :P :P

WTFC?!?!?!?
Ok my mom believes that Stratton my older brother is allowed to take w/e he wants to from MY past and rub it in my face!
NO! he's not
I don't take shit from anyone especially not him of all people. I mean seriously is there really any need for further explanation?
So today was just another battle to the death in which there was yet again NO DETERMINED WINNER!
I wanna knock a wall down!
CRUSH
BASH
SMASH
BREAK
TAKE
DESTROY
TOY
OWN
KILL
SPILL
DESECRATE
EVERYTHING right now!
I can't even play my guitar without being angry
or listen to music without being bored
or talk without wanting silence
I hate this state of mind
this presence and being
that is destroying me
But most of all I'm heart broken that I'm leaving Perry high next year to go to Basha
I'll have no one again
And no one will miss me at all
:/
but i guess that's how it has to be when yr me

Quick updates!!!!

1. Brandon and I are no longer going out! :/ (technical difficulties)
2. My "best friend is a back stabbing bitch whose trying to get with him
3. I'm soooo stressed
4.I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!

I wished you still loved me too

I guess there comes a point in every relationship where you just: NEED SOME TIME TO THINK"
but i guess i was naive enough to think we would never need that time
I thought we were perfect together
But maybe that's not what you saw

Your leaving crushed me down to the center of the earth the ache from my heart weighing so heavy I can't feel to move
But to acquiesce me of cheating to ask me why i can't date?
I am dating ..... Well I was dating you or so I thought for almost 6 months of my life
Cheating... how could that even be a consideration when I could hardly tell that there were other people on this planet besides you.. That would change anything anyways because your always more important

Wasn't it just the other day you were worried about rumors saying no one ever cared that we were dating before now they just want us to break up! And when i said no it's fine it doesn't matter.... And you said it did.. I reassured you saying that We wouldn't ever break up anyways... And you looked and me and said NO WE Won't...... Did this mean nothing

So you say we need a break .... well what does that do for my heart which you took into your hands and stabbed and ripped to pieces today. The only person in my eyes who I would fight hell and back again needs to think about everything.... Does this include if you still love me?

I understand the circumstances to an extent, and believe you because i do not wish to blame you
I know that in loss it is necessary to grieve, but this pain is not something i prepared myself for seeing as I always thought you would be the face look back at mine when i needed you most.

I didn't do anything wrong and I guess that's why more than anything this is consuming me
It's not like iI cheated on you
And i didn't miss treat you did I ...unless cherishing you is bad
I didn't call you names
And I have LOVED you and Still LOVE you immensely
Please clear up for me what your thinking about... and what it is you need to figure out
This is cruel in everything you've done and by deleting me from your accounts
your proving this is all on you
I love you more than anything
I just wished you still loved me too.

OMG! OMG! OMG! I've spent 4 months w/ the most amazing person on this planet!!!!!! That's friggin ... AMAZING!

So the 13th is 4 months and though I must seem like an uber nerd for getting this excited I LOVE IT!

It's super great that i've spent 4 months of my life completely content w/ HIM :p
4 months of peace
4 months of crazy jealousy
4 months of awkward moments
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

SO this is my girlie moments of thought lines that aren't full sentences
(and if you knew how many times I've had to spell check myself this far into this rant you would probably be embarrassed for me :/ )
Soooooo HOPEFULLY I'll be able to see brandon tomorrow :D
and HOPEFULLY I won't be a stupid retarded as I'm being right now ;)
AND HOPEFULLY My birthday goes well too and that people actually show up and that their isn't craziness!!!!!!!
(lol! there's always CRAZINESS wherever I am)
I'm about to give up on my typing skills cus I don't GOtZ any :( :p




OK SOOOO I LOVE YA ALL OR WHATEVER CUS NO ONE READS THESE :P SO I GUES I LOVE MY SELF CUS I"M THE ONLY ONE WHO READS THESE!!!!!!!

Stress!

stress commands my every word
anger grows
as hatred stirs
i'm not mean i'll tell myself
though my heart is beating something else

Stress commands my every move
it grips my throat
and scraps the wounds
I'm not cruel I repeat to myself
Though my hands are doing something else

Stress commands my every thought
weary voices
fill my thoughts
I'm not lost my inner lier screams
though my actions lead me to assume other things

Sunday!

Well sunday usually an amazingly long and boring day except for church around 11:45, but besides that remains an unnecessary part of my week and still in a way I cherish it as my last moments of relaxation b4 I begin another one of my very drama filled........ petty weeks like every other. but this sunday after not being able to go to church because everyone in my house waS SICK ........ I sat up in my room in a depressid state....... O_o SUDDENLY !!!!!! *gasp* 8D *IM MESSAGE*
Brandon: What r u doin today?
Devon: nofin y??!!??!!??!!
Brandon*pauses before posting a response* wanna go to the movies?
Devon: sure .... When? were? stuff like that?
Brandon: 6:30 Santan mall
Devon: what movie?
Brandon: *another long pause* Coraline
Devon:*shrieks w/ excitement* ok i'll go ask
Brandon: kk
(I ran down stairs and waited a couple seconds as i stood next to my mom on the opposite couch from my dad waiting for a very opportune moment to ask ..... knowing that they were sick and there was a huge possibility they would refuse with a passion :/! )
Devon: Hey momma brandon wants to know if I can go see coraline w/ him tonight?!?!?!?!?
Mom: Sure ya! but u better get me a starbucks!
Mom: Dad do u have a problem if dev goes to watch Coraline w/ Brandon tonight??!?!??!?!?!?!?1
(moment of epic fail or supreme victory :/)
dad: sure and i want a starbucks 2:P
Devon: *omg! running up the stairs
(gets back on the computer)
Devon: YES! i can go
Devon: ok?
Brandon: cool
( devon gets ready )
Brandon comes to pick me up and i have a bomb time the most epic ever I loved the movie and everything was perfect! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I thank my parents for letting me go ! ( I love my parents they're sooo good to me)